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The TRUE story behind the development of "Minecraft"

Let's talk about Minecraft, that popular blocky 3D sandbox game currently owned by Microsoft. As anybody familiar with the game will know, it just showed up one day, from SPACE.

There are people out there who for some unfathomable reason have FALSELY attributed the games creation to some random Twitter wackjob who spouts conspiracy theories as well as racist and transphobic nonsense. This lie unsurprisingly carries no weight whatsoever.

Allow me to introduce you to the TRUE original developers behind Minecraft, namely: The Mojangians from the planet Mojang. These fine chaps upon visiting our humble planet in 2009 gave us a gift: "We have observed that you Humans enjoy what you call 'Video Games', we have made one for you as a token of our friendship". They bestowed upon us: Minecraft.


Zorkius Jefferson, the original lead developer of "Minecraft"

In an interview with Kotaku, Zorkius Jefferson (the lead developer of the project) had this to say: "So we came up with the idea for Minecraft during our observations of Humanity. We saw you guys love Video Games and we still couldn't decide what to get you as a 'Hello' present so we decided to make you something. The inspiration for the game itself was based entirely on the observation we made into human behaviour." "So yeah you know we thought... you guys love chopping down trees, you love making like uh... little mud huts and stuff, So let's make a game about it!"

Blorko Lee-West (pictured above) discovered the game "Infiniminer" when Jefferson sent him on a scouting mission to search out a video game that could serve as inspiration for their own, since the Aliens didn't have video games where they come from. Lee-West passed as a Human by wearing a trench coat and fake mustache, then under Jefferson's instruction "just grabbed the first video game he could find, just anything really" and found a copy of Infiniminer on a burned CD-R. They're able to read our data storage media just fine apparently.


Development begins as Cunzukolus Stevens starts coding "Minecraft"

"Stevens is our best programmer" Jefferson said, "He replicated the blocky visual style of Infiniminer very well and we had a basic prototype up and running within a day". Zorkius and Blorko decided they wanted to implement NPCs of animals and various creatures the player could interact with. "We wanted to keep it just to creatures that actualy exist on your planet Earth, but we realised that Creepers (based on creatures from another planet we were observing at the time) would be a interesting addition gameplay wise and we couldn't find a creature on your planet that just... explodes like that. So sure we took some artistic liberties".

Zorkius and his team updated the game many times after release before handing development over to Microsoft, this was due to the fact that they decided to leave Earth's orbit in their mothership to search out new planets. Blorko Lee-West talked publicly about this decision saying: "We love you guys, but you're begining to get on our fucking nerves". Before leaving Earth, Zorkius gave this parting message: "We've been watching you guys for a long time, we even prank called you in 1977 (sorry about that, we were teenagers) and I've gotta say, you guys really just... get your shit together". We have not been contacted by The Mojangians since they left and Microsoft has continued development of Minecraft, naming the studio in charge "Mojang" in their honor.


The Mojangians leaving Earth for the last time.

In 2011, in response to the myth of Minecraft's supposed human developer, The Mojangians official statement was: "Haha, that's ridiculous, like... that's a joke right?".